Character Studies

We recently discovered Henry James and are completely swept off our collective feet. We have started a collection of short stories called 'The New York Stories of Henry James.' The man is a genius of characters, not to mention his brilliance at writing. So, actually the purpose of this blog is to rant a little bit...

I never actually wanted to get married. I mean, if I met someone great and was ready and willing to start a family, I was possibly open to that, but I never stressed about meeting people, dating a lot, or wanted to get married just for the sake of getting married. I think that my concept of marriage was definitely tied up in finding a companion that would walk with me through life and beyond, and be my dearest and most trusted friend. It is very difficult for me to relate to and understand other people when they express through conversation or actions different attitudes towards marriage.

So imagine my reaction to Henry James' character Lennox as he expresses the following:

'His love was dead, his youth was dead; that was all. There was no need of making a tragedy of it. His love's vitality had been but small, and since it was to be short-lived it was better that it should expire before marriage than after. As for marriage, that should stand, for that was not of necessity a matter of love. He lacked the brutal consistency necessary for taking away Marian's future. If he had mistaken her and overrated her, the fault was his own, and it was a hard thing that she should pay the penalty. Whatever were her failings, they were profoundly involuntary, and it was plain that with regard to himself her intentions were good. She would be no companion, but she would be at least a faithful wife.'

What?! On the one hand, Lennox is somewhat noble, even transcends the immature notions of romantic love to take on a responsibility and the security of another human being... but seriously? On the other hand, this is marriage, folks!!!!!! The every day, hour to hour grind with someone! Could there be anything lonelier than hoping for a loving companion and settling for a faithful wife at the onset? Obviously, we cannot control nor even choose most of the details our lives become, but to start the journey with someone making a choice to settle? I do not understand--I could not do the same.

So what does that say about me? I am somewhat nervous/scared about where this self-reflection may lead.